Thursday, August 16, 2012

We no longer must brush our teeth

Top dental scientists said today that because of advances in Science it is no longer necessary to periodically brush one's teeth. Instead, in this bold new era, human teeth will maintain themselves in a state of toothy health and vitality without external intervention or application of tooth-cleaning substances.

At last we are free of the mundane ritual of brushing our teeth. The citizenry expressed surprise, shock and gratitude to the science-men and science-women and their mighty brains for achieving such a wondrous thing. More than one commentator suggested that finally, oranges will be safe to eat without fear of them tasting weird because of the lingering toothpaste.

Amidst the optimism, a note of sombre speculation: Ian Sonderton of Ryde asked “what will become of the minty fresh sensation one feels after brushing one's teeth? Is this a sensation our grandchildren will know only through history books and scholarly documentaries?”

Spokespeople for the toothbrush and toothpaste industries were also less than joyful at the news, saying that the science-people are liars and why do they lie so much. The toothbrush people suggested that perhaps caution is needed and you should keep brushing your teeth lest they rot and putrefy.

The people who put fluoride in the drinking water could not be reached for comment on these dental developments, but it is speculated that they will continue to undertake the adding of fluoride to our water for the good of us all. Perhaps they will branch out into adding other substances to the water but this remains unknown.

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